help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
