guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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