I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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