I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
