My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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