i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
