i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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