Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
