New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
