She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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