my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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