5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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