He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
