the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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