Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
