I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
