so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
