Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
