it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
