i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
