careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
