i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
