Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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