Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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