the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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