I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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