did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
