i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
