My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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