Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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