I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
