it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
