Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
...so i touched it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
