we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
