I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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