who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
