New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
