Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
