i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
