I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
