Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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