A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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