break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
