you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
