Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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