I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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