Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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