i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
