help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
