i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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