Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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