I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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