I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
